A "Man" Apology

Hey, hey now. Far be it from me to pass judgement on ANYBODY. I am neither a judge nor jury and Tupac said it best; "Only God Can Judge Me." No way am I going to sit here and say Chris Brown was dead wrong for putting his hands on a woman. Correction, no way am I going to sit here and say he was dead wrong for putting his hands on a woman in a violent, life threatening way. I'm not going to call him less than a man because he should have gotten out of the car, walked away, held his composure. Uh uh. I won't say that as a grown man, HE SHOULD KNOW BETTER and just remove himself from the situation especially if his girlfriend did something to deliberately press his buttons. Note to Chris- Women do this. Ya know. Press your buttons from time to time. I'm not saying we have a right to do that but hey, if one does such things to you, you don't need to be with them anyway...
Obviously, he is trying to make amends and set the record straight and show us he's still a good guy. He even posted this nice apology video for all of us.



Ummm... Thanks Chris.

I'm not going to say you were dead wrong. There are plenty of other people who have done that for me...

On a brighter note, Welcome to Blogger to one of my dearest Sorors, Hesha! I can't wait to read what you have to say on your blog Dropping Knowledge!



Until next time I remain,

Toxic Relationships

"When a blind man leads a blind man, they both end up in the ditch."
Your development, and in some cases your healing, can only take place when you walk with the right people!
Remember the story of the scorpion that asked a frog to carry him across the river because he could not swim? How do I know you will not sting me? the frog asked. If I do, we'll both drown, he replied. So the scorpion hopped on. Half way across the river the scorpion stung him. As they were drowning the frog said, 'You promised you wouldn't. Why did you sting me? The scorpion replied, I cannot help it, it's my nature to sting.
Learn to recognize toxic relationships and walk away from them before they take you down with them. A toxic relationship is like a body part with gangrene; if you do not amputate, the infection will spread. Unless you have the courage to cut off what will not heal, you will end up losing much more.
You cannot partner successfully with someone who does not share your goals. When you feel passionately about something but they do not, it is like trying to dance the fox trot with someone who only wants to waltz. You picked the wrong dance partner. Do not get tied up with someone who does not share your God-given purpose.
Some issues can be corrected through teaching and leadership,but you cannot teach somebody to care. And if they do not care, they will infect your environment, ruin your productivity and break your rhythm with constant complaints.
So ask God, Who belongs in my life?

This was so on time and just what I needed to read at the right moment in my day. All too often us "single sistas" get caught up with the wrong man for the wrong reason . Many times, this guy is just a leech, moocher, jerk, busta, table scraps, well, you get the point. Why hang onto 'em?? When I was younger, I kept a guy around just because it gave me someone to call, it was nice to just have SOMEBODY to talk to, you know-ahhhh!!, or just to have the illusion of being in love. Fulfill that dream of a wedding, white picket fence and two point five children :-) It also gave me a real answer to that age old question, are you seeing anyone? Ugh!
Now that I'm older, I guess I have less patience, I'm not as vulnerable as I used to be and quite frankly, I value my peace and quiet. Those of you that have been here before know I recently had a scorpion in my life. I found out things about him that let me know it's not in his nature to do right by me. I didn't fuss, cuss, or beat the helloutta him. I just cold turkey dipped and said we weren't compatible and left it at that. Sorry, but at least I didn't wait until some special occasion like a birthday or something!

Now I have no answer for that stupid question but I'd rather be alone and at peace than with someone in a toxic relationship.

To my friend that's out there reading this post, I'm writing this for you too, girl! Keep ya head up! The one is out there and you'll KNOW it when the time is right... Then me and you know who won't have to carry picket signs at your wedding!

Your thoughts??

Lessons from Love and Basketball

Folks, today I watched an age old favorite movie from back in the day. Love and Basketball. Now there's one of those classic movies that never gets old! Great cast, AWESOME soundtrack, and a stellar cast! Of course, U gotta give Sanaa her props because she played the hell outta her role, Omar was quite a looker but his dad, Whew! Q's daddy was the eye candy here.

I digress.

As I sat watching this for the 30th time, I realized the lessons that could be taken from this movie:

1. Just because you're a girl doesn't mean you can't bring it even in the company of all males
Young Monica entered the movie by whoopin some young male azz just cause they ASSUMED that she couldn't handle her own on the court! She had game. She brought it and made no apologies for her skills. She paid for it by gaining a battle scar from a male temper tantrum but hey, that comes with the territory!

2. Forgive the opposite sex for the error of their ways. It's ok to give them a second chance if they appear to have potential
Monica forgave Q after he reluctantly apologized for his (Mis)ASSUMPTION of her skills. They even had a decent convo about sports stats. A great friendship was created because they had something in common and they were both genuinely good kids. That's the great thing about being a kid. You have fewer inhibitions than adults. It's easier to create lasting friendships when you're a kid...

3. Be ye a lady
My man Q wanted to be Monica's boyfriend. Even though he was just a kid, he knew a good woman. Of course, back in the day, you had to seal that kind of deal with a KISS. Monica, smart young lady that she was, said the kiss could not take place in public. Way To go girl! Don't air your bizness in the street. Take it to a private place! I gotta give it to Q though. He counted down to make sure he got his 5 seconds in!!

4. If your hubby comes home from a 4 day bizness trip and says he needs to go back out for a meeting, HECK YEAH hire a Private Investigator!
Q's dad was a tall dark piece of chocolate. He put his family in a nice neighborhood and a more than comfortable house. But he was a ladies man. Tippin out all all hours of the night. What good is that chocolate if u ain't getting none and he's supposed to be your man? I'm sorry, my piece of mind (not to mention my health) is worth more than that. Snooping is wrong. I agree. BUT, if I find damaging evidence, then so be it. At least I'll be freeeeeeee of yo lyin azz.....

5. Momma makes sacrifices too
Monica's mom appeared a little intimidated by her hubby. She was "susie home maker" in Monica's eyes. I can't say I totally disagree with Mom's stance on that one. Hey, we all have career dreams. Today's woman has it all. Career, children, pays the bills. Everything. However, if you CAN afford to stay at home while your children are young and impressionable, I'm not going to look down on you for that. They had young African American children clearly surrounded by folks that did not look like them. I don't blame Mom's for being there, showing them a complete family unit, and taking care of hubby. (Ok, well, I have a little problem with being THAT SUBMISSIVE to your man but I know she was working in the best interest of her family for that time) Remember, I said this was a lesson so I still have learning to take from it...

6. Sometimes the Hot Hunks get their ego checked
Boris Kodjo.
Whew, I'm back... As fine and experienced as he was, he still had a hard time making conversation at a simple senior prom aannnddd, he went home alone (or at least without Monica) at the end of the night. Just goes to show you, compatibility is key when selecting your love interest...


7. Your 1st should be with someone you KNOW, TRUST and LOVE
Ahhh! You watched the movie, you remember the scene. What a tender moment.
enuff said about that.

8. Get your education no matter what
Don't be a hard head and not do the right thing just cause you mad at your daddy. Q learned that lesson the hard way because he was blinded by anger over his dad's infidelities. I'm not saying education is the ONE answer for everything and NO it won't open ALL doors for you but you'll have a better chance on cracking the window with an education than trying to get along without it...

9. Be passionate about your chosen craft
Monica LOVED basketball. She had Spalding Dreams! Haaaaa! Sometimes her passion got her in trouble but nobody could take away the fact that she knew BASKETBALL!
That's the lesson I try to get my students to understand. When you decide on what you want to do in life (and hopefully, you'll choose something you ENJOY) by all means, go all out to understand the ins and outs, EVERYTHING! Nothing worth having is easily gotten and you must work to be at the top of your field!

10. If it's something worth having and giving up everything else for, go Double or Nothing
You remember the scene in the backyard two weeks before Q's wedding. That's what I'm talking 'bout!! Don't make a huge mistake just to save face. Follow your HEART!

Umm Hmmm. Lessons from Love and Basketball.
Gotta Love it. I can't wait to see the lessons you come up with!


I hope that all the DAD'S out there have a GREAT weekend! Until next time... Relax and watch a good "Back in the Day" movie. It'll put a smile on your face!